Hello! *slow blinks at you*
There's just one main rule when dealing with us cats. If we don't like something our humans do, we'll let them know! I've put together a guide for you detailing a few things you'll need to know in order to give us the respect the kitty race deserves.
How to pet a cat
Petting us is pretty easy! Even if we act like we don't like it sometimes, deep down we always do. You're probably just doing it wrong. When touching a majestic creature such as ourselves, one should pay respect initially - much as you would bow or shake hands with a stranger first time upon meeting them.
The best way to do this is to slowly bring your hand very close to the side of our face to let us know you're there and that you intend to let us grace you with our soft furr. We might respond by rubbing against your hand, in which case you're all good to go and formalities are over! If we don't, then rub the side of our cheek anyway (mind the whiskers!) or the top of the head.
Once we're more comfortable with you, go for the underside of our mouths, behind the ears and maaaaaybe the chest. If we're really not in the mood we'll either walk away or kindly introduce you to our teeth.
Here's an easy to read guide on the basics...
How to feed a cat
Feeding us felines is easy, even though we're fussy. It's just up to you to find out what we like the most. Actually, what we like the most isn't always what's going to be the best for us so it's your job to keep us healthy regardless of what we want. This may be the only time I will tell you to do something we don't want so please enjoy it.
We should normally be fed based on our age, our health, and also our preference. If we're a kitty, then we should be fed more food relative to our body weight than an adult cat should be. If we're going to grow into the role of master of the house, we need to be properly sustained.
A growing kitty should normally be fed around 3 times per day! We like routine, so feed us when we expect it. Or else.
It's best to give us a mix of both dry food and canned food. Not too much or we'll get fat and won't be able to pounce as well. Pouncing is important. Dry food is for our gums, and wet food contains water and a more complete balanced diet.
Don't give us milk! It's actually not very good for us, even though we like it. : (
Instead, give us water, or for a delicious treat, Tea for Cats.
We can't drive very well, so it's up to you humans to go to the supermarket or vet clinic (shudder) and find cat food we like. Try a few kinds until you finally get it right, or chat to the vet. You can do it, we believe in you!
How to play with a cat
You will need to play with us to keep us entertained. This is a command! Especially if we're kittens. It's like physical training for us in order to be able to develop our karate skills and also to pretend that we are hunting mice for you and to serve them to you as prizes as small tokens of our appreciation for the care you give us.
A few small short sessions is better than fewer short daily sessions. It matches our activity patterns more.
Don't you tease us! You have to let us catch our prey if you're using a string toy. It's very frustrating not being as tall as you, and we always like to win in the end.
We love balls, especially if they make noise.
Tall scratching posts may be provided to us as a replacement for your rug and furniture. Let us know early on as to what your preference is before we get a taste for your sofa.
Easy! Just remember all of these commands and you will have a loving happy master and human relationship.